“You’re just like your father was,” my mother said on my most recent trip home to Florida. “You have to have something to worry about.”

She’s not wrong. It was at my insistence that we’d gotten her end-of-life planning documents set up. But by the end of my visit, we were both glad we’d done it.

Since my father passed away five years ago, I’ve had to get real about the fact that my mother will also die at some point. She is, after all, pushing 80. Because my parents were still married when my dad died, all his assets seamlessly transferred to her without going to probate, a court-managed legal process that can take months to years depending on the estate’s complexity. Until our planning mission, my mother had assumed her own passing would bring a similarly simple transition: All of her assets would go to me. But I live across the country, and I have half-siblings. I knew the best way to ensure my mother’s wishes would be honored — and avoid a potentially lengthy and expensive legal process — was to get them down in writing. 

While it’s hard to get firm statistics on how many people do (or do not) get their estate planning in order before the big day arrives, “what we hear is most people don’t,” says Ben Rasche, a practicing estate planning attorney at Caress Law in Portland, Oregon, where I live. “Most people don’t ever get around to doing anything.” Even with simple estates, things can get tricky without an official paper trail. Sure, you might have named beneficiaries for all your bank accounts, but if you neglected to create a will, your family could still end up in legal proceedings over, say, a $2,000 tax refund check. 

With my mother’s newly filed documents safely archived to my cloud storage (and the physical copies tucked into her well-organized filing cabinet), I boarded my flight home, breathing a self-satisfied sigh of relief. But then a spate of turbulence hit, my life flashed before my eyes, and I was struck by the realization that I, too, should get my affairs in order. If the same goes for you, here’s how to make sense of it all. 

Estate planning, specifically, is about determining where your assets will go after death: funds in bank and investment accounts; physical items like homes and cars. More broadly, planning for death also means considering incapacity: the period many of us go through leading up to death in which we can’t communicate or make decisions for ourselves. Together, these considerations are covered in a few best-practice documents that most adults should have on file.

This is the big one — the document you probably envision when you think of estate planning. Along with laying out who gets what, a will also names an executor. Sometimes called an agent, this is the point person who will be responsible for settling the estate. Many people choose a family member, but anyone you trust can fill this role, whether or not they’re a blood relative.

Drafting a last will and testament is likely a good idea if you:

If any of the above applies to you, experts advise that you work with an attorney to draft your will since it’s intricate and often paired with supplemental legal documents. Most attorneys will assess your assets and then offer a range of estate planning packages, which can start around $1,200 but go up as high as $7,000 or more for complicated cases.

Given this complexity and cost, it’s worth noting — and perhaps surprising to learn — that in select cases, you may not need a last will and testament. For example, your wishes may already be covered by existing regulations, like your state’s laws of intestacy, which determine where your assets will go if you die without a legally binding will, Rasche notes. These laws vary by state, but the hierarchy of heirship usually runs something like: assets transfer to surviving spouse; if no surviving spouse, then assets are split equally among surviving children; if no children, then among surviving parent(s); and finally among sibling(s) and more distant relatives. 

Additionally, if you designate beneficiaries on your bank and investment accounts and any life insurance policies, those designations will supersede what’s laid out in a will, and the covered money doesn’t need to go through probate to be distributed. To name beneficiaries to one of these accounts, all you have to do is go into your online portal or call the financial institution. The process is free, you can change your beneficiaries at any time, and they don’t have to be blood relatives. In many cases, you can even delineate percentages to multiple people. It’s a good idea to review your chosen beneficiaries at least every three to five years, and after major milestones like birth, marriage, divorce, or death.

Designating beneficiaries in this way also keeps the matter private. (In many states, probate proceedings become public record, which means that, unless you go to the effort and expense of creating a revocable living trust, anyone will be able to learn who got what in your will.) In any case, you should keep an up-to-date list of your current designations somewhere, and consider having a conversation with those named to let them know your wishes ahead of time. 

Of course, there are risks to foregoing a will — namely, that it’s easy to accidentally leave something out. “It takes a really simple life and estate not to have something slip through the cracks,” Rasche says. Additionally, having an invalid will can be far more complicated for your survivors than not having one at all, he notes. What makes a will “valid” varies by state, but it usually involves the signature of at least two competent witnesses who are not among the people you’re naming as inheritors in the document.

Then there’s that handwritten “will” I considered jotting down on a cocktail napkin during that bout of turbulence. Also known as a “holographic will,” it’s legal in more than half of U.S. states (though unfortunately for me, not Florida or Oregon).

This is the end-of-life-planning document that virtually every adult should have on file, experts say. 

Imagine my plane succumbs to the bumps. By some miracle, I survive the crash but wind up in a coma on a ventilator. Do I want to be kept alive indefinitely in the hopes of a miracle, or do I want someone to withdraw life support at a certain point? 

These are the kinds of questions a living will, or advance directive, is meant to answer ahead of time. In many states, you can print off a form online for free, or get one from a healthcare provider. To ensure it holds legal water, you’ll likely need to have it notarized or witnessed when you sign. (The form will indicate what’s required.)

You’ll also want to appoint a healthcare proxy. Sometimes called a healthcare representative, healthcare surrogate, or medical power of attorney, this person will make medical decisions for you if you’re unable to do so. If you don’t name someone to this role, your next of kin, as defined by state law, will automatically become responsible if need arises. This can be a precarious situation if, for example, this person would have trouble honoring your wishes or affirming aspects of your identity (e.g., gender, sexuality, or spirituality) that can inform treatment when you’re incapacitated. Even in close-knit families, your next of kin might simply find the role too painful. In such cases, “consider a friend, a neighbor,” suggests Sarah Chavez, executive director of the advocacy and educational organization The Order of the Good Death. “Someone that’s just a little outside of that really intimate family circle.”

This is a big ask, of course, and having the conversation is “not always something you can just knock out in a weekend,” says Kate DeBartolo, senior director of The Conversation Project, which offers guides and tools to help people talk about their end-of-life wishes. 

Working through these intense scenarios might instead take “little bits of conversation over time,” DeBartolo says. Ideally, though, if you’ve laid out your wishes in your living will, your proxy will be carrying out decisions that you’ve already made. Keep in mind, too, that these documents will only go into effect if you’re totally incapacitated and also unable to communicate. Even if a patient is only able to communicate nonverbally, “clinicians are eager to hear that,” DeBartolo says.

It can be scary to hand over such literal life-or-death power to anyone, even if you trust them whole-heartedly. What if you change your mind, or face a scenario you couldn’t have predicted? It’s impossible to think through every possibility, DeBartolo says. That’s why The Conversation Project focuses instead on overarching values around quality of life rather than hard-and-fast rules like “I never want to be on a ventilator.” For instance, do you worry more about receiving too much care, or too little? What everyday activities — communicating with loved ones, going on a walk — make life feel like it’s worth living?

To ensure your directives stay in step with your values and life circumstances, it’s a good idea to review them regularly, such as on National Healthcare Decisions Day, an event The Conversation Project hosts annually on April 16, says DeBartolo. 

One important caveat: Your healthcare proxy’s decision-making power ends when you die, meaning they can’t make funeral decisions for you. While you can lay out your wishes for the care of your body in your last will and testament, that document often isn’t read until days after death, which may be too late. 

In most states, though, you can use a separate form to designate who will be in charge of this important step (and yes, you can appoint your healthcare proxy if you desire). Where I live in Oregon, for example, the document is called the Appointment of Agent to Control Disposition of Remains, and all you need to do to complete it is sign it in the presence of two witnesses other than the person you’re appointing.

A power of attorney (POA) is like a healthcare proxy but for money. This is the person who will take care of your financial affairs if you become incapacitated. As is the case with an advance directive, pretty much everyone over 18 should have a POA form completed, experts say.

But be careful. There are two different types: durable and springing. A durable power of attorney kicks in as soon as you complete the form, whereas their springing counterpart takes (or “springs” into) effect after a specific triggering event, such as medical incapacitation. 

Again, laws vary by state, but since a POA has essentially the same level of authority over your finances as you do, many adults will only want to hand over that amount of power in the event that they can no longer make decisions for themselves, which makes a springing power of attorney the safer move. On the other hand, older adults who want help navigating financial platforms might offer durable power of attorney to a trusted adult child. 

As with the last will and testament, this document is best drafted with the assistance of a professional, who can help you determine the right primary person (and a backup) for this role and ensure that the paperwork has been properly witnessed and notarized.

Everybody’s estate planning needs are different, and since every state’s laws are different, too, it’s a good idea to consult a lawyer even if you feel like your affairs are pretty simple. Those “free” online DIY forms often advise you to have the document reviewed by an attorney once you finish it, and as tempting as it may be to have ChatGPT draft your will for you, without professional oversight, you might not know if there’s an issue with the language until it’s too late.

One potentially cost-saving option Rasche points out: talking to any financial professionals you’re already in touch with, like your CPA or a current investment advisor, who may be able to help you with your POA or talk through potential estate-planning wrinkles ahead of time.

Here are some other documents that are fairly common and worth considering for many adults (though mileage and exact phrasing may vary by state):

No matter which documents you file (or don’t), make sure everyone involved knows where they are and has backup copies, ideally both physical and digital. As attorney Larry Griggs, who got my mom and I set up with her documents, said, “the number one reason these documents don’t work is that people can’t find them or they don’t know they exist.”

Filing the right estate planning documents is essential, but there are so many other ways you can make life easier for your loved ones after your passing. Plenty of them are totally free.

You can start by making sure your emergency contacts are up to date everywhere, including at the DMV. If you live alone, you can leave emergency contact information, as well as details about allergies and your primary care physician, on a brightly colored card on your refrigerator to make proceedings easier for EMTs and alert your loved ones immediately if something should happen.

And, as Chavez points out, not all of our legacies can be captured in a standard-issue form. “Stories, recipes, cultural traditions, memories — how are you going to pass on those intangible gifts?” she asks. She’s seen people make cards, letters, or videos to be released to loved ones at important moments, such as a grandchild’s college graduation. A specialized ghostwriter or service like StoryWorth can also help you get your story or wisdom down.

Digital assets, too, are important to think about. At the very least, you should have one trusted person who can access your phone and primary accounts when you’re not able.

Planning for your death in the prime of life can be challenging, especially since you’ll need to have emotional conversations with the people you appoint to help you, which often presents the biggest obstacle. (Nobody wants to upset the people they love.) 

But, DeBartolo reminds us, “these conversations can be wonderful.” At the end of the day (and the end of a life), there’s no more sacred responsibility than the one we have to care for each other — and planning ahead is, at its heart, a kind of care. 

As I did the work of getting my own documents in order, I was nervous about asking my chosen healthcare proxy, a close friend, if she was comfortable taking on such a big responsibility. I was met with a smile and instant assurance. “It’s an honor,” she said, which is exactly how I feel about being entrusted with my mother’s wishes.

Here’s one easy and important step you can take today: Download or print your state’s advance directive form and start working through its prompts. If you get stuck, check out the resources from The Conversation Guide to help you complete the document and inform your named proxy.

2. Identify supplemental legal documents you might need.
3. Consider the other affairs you can get in order.