Dear Reaper,

My mom died a few weeks ago. She was never an organized person, but it’s worse than I thought. Almost a hoarding situation. My sisters and I aren’t shy about tossing stuff in the dumpster, but we’re worried we might throw away something we need for her estate. What paperwork should we be looking for? And do you have any suggestions for how we should make sense of it? 

– Crumpled 

Dear Crumpled, 

While I suspect you’re already sick of hearing this, I want to start by saying how sorry I am for your loss. Losing Mom is a big one, regardless of whether your relationship with her was loving, contentious, or somewhere in between. “A few weeks” isn’t that long. My mom died six years ago, and I still try to call her sometimes before remembering that a Ouija board would be more effective. If cleaning out your mom’s house is helping you cope with the situation, then by all means, keep going. But remember that your mental health is more important than your mother’s hilariously outdated newspaper collection.

Whenever you and your siblings are ready to continue with Operation Messy Mom, the first document you should look for is a last will and testament — or maybe a living trust, which some people set up so their next of kin can avoid probate court. (While there’s no official timeline for probate, a good rule of thumb is to start the process within a month after the death.) Hollywood would have us believe that wills are written with a quill pen on fancy parchment and sealed with wax. In reality, they’re usually printed on regular computer paper. I found my dad’s will in a cardboard box beneath the Christmas decorations.

Depending on the type of document, it will either say something like, Last Will and Testament of [MOM’S NAME HERE] at the top of the page, or [MOM’S NAME HERE] Revocable Living Trust. If her lawyer preferred Latin, it might say Inter Vivos Trust, which means exactly the same thing. If it’s a will, look on the first few pages for the name of the executor. If it’s a trust, look on the first few pages for the successor trustee. Give those documents to that person. It’s their problem now. 

If that person is you, good luck and feel free to write me another letter when the relentless hassle of probate begins to threaten your sanity. (Or just hire a good lawyer!)

The next item in your morbid scavenger hunt should be your mom’s most recent tax return. That will give you — and more importantly, the executor or successor trustee — a better idea of her assets, which you’ll need once you begin the probate process. You might think you’re aware of everything your mom owns, and you might be wrong. My parents owned a whole extra building. Surprise! 

You should also be on the lookout for any property deeds and car titles. Remember that in some states, if you’re still making payments on your car, the lienholder (typically the lender) keeps the title until you pay it off. That means you may be looking for a copy of the title rather than the original document. Bank statements and bills are also good to keep, but only a few of the most recent ones. My dad kept copies that went back years, and I fed the bulk of them to the shredder. 

You have a shredder, right? You can get them online for pretty cheap, and trust me, you’re going to need one. I swear, I’m not being facetious. It really is a good idea given how much private information is often on various bills and documents, from account numbers to social security numbers. It isn’t uncommon for scammers to steal dead people’s identities because it can take the government a while to catch up.

Finally, I would recommend searching for a list of your mom’s passwords. If your mom is anything like mine, she wrote them on a bunch of sticky notes next to the computer. My dad kept his in a tiny notebook. Occasionally people tell me their parents used a password manager, but I am skeptical of these technologically savvy Boomers. I put them in the same category as Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

Over the next few months, the executor or successor trustee will need to log into your mom’s accounts to pay off remaining debts and cancel services. Even if the passwords she wrote down aren’t always accurate, something is better than nothing.

As for organization, it’s most important to file these documents in whatever way makes the most sense to your brain. If that’s a filing cabinet, great. If that’s a Trapper Keeper, radical. If that’s a corkboard with red thread strung between various paperwork and photographs and hand-scrawled notes, sure. A bit extra, but why not? It’s worth noting that the executor or successor trustee will have to produce these documents at the bank, the lawyer’s office, the Department of Motor Vehicles, and so on, which means it might be helpful to use a portable option. 

There are also lots of products out there meant to help people organize their own important paperwork prior to death, from digital options like Everplans to physical systems like the Nokbox — not to mention hundreds of dedicated notebooks and binders. They double as great posthumous organizers! 

Before I end this letter: I can’t tell whether your use of the term “hoarding” is hyperbole. If your mom legitimately had a hoarding disorder, you may want to hire a biohazard cleaning company in your area — especially if she hoarded pets, or if you spot insects or rodent droppings. Your physical health is just as important as your mental health. 

And with that, I’ll leave the heavy lifting to you. May your eyesight be keen and your trash bags be sturdy. 

— Reaper